UNCLE SAMUEL, THE PROPHET
by Connor Nathans
What if Uncle Sam proved to be the Prophet Samuel?
The actions of the American People greatly troubled Uncle Samuel, on account of his innate love of justice as well as his hatred toward royal government. All night long, he remained awake, unable to sleep due to considering first this error of the People and then that.
While thus tormented, Samuel saw before him God, who comforted the man with the Word.
“Samuel, my son, due not be over-troubled by the course of the multitude, for it is not you that they reject, but me. This chosen People have been contriving at this fallen state ever since their very year of Independence, when they received their first breath of air sans servitude. Moreover, they will come to regret their current pleadings once it is too late to alter them, thereby gifting to their children that which they regret demanding for themselves. Be sure, I tell you, that this generation of Americans will, in time, be sorely rebuked for their altogether ungenerous and ungrateful conduct, which they today enthrone. So, my son, I command you to listen to the People and to give them what they ask for. Rise up for them a class of Elites, with all the necessary accoutrements and accompaniments. First, however, speak my sense to the People, solemnly warning them, so that they can never say they did not know.”
When Samuel heard this, he caused an announcement to be made to all Americans the very next morning, in which he agreed to place a class of Elites over them, though only after giving for the People a final description of the treatment that they should expect to receive from those reigning over them.
“My fellow Americans,” he said, his head bowed, “you must know that, in the first place, your new Elites will take your children from you. Some, they will command to be bureaucrats, becoming so technical as to be altogether lost; some, they will denote as front-line infantry, to police for them hostile and foreign lands; some will be their willful artificers, others their specialized confectioners; some, they will select as their personal assistants, others to be their family curators or wardens of estates; some will be made their messengers, caretakers, and further servants-of-foot while others will have no choice but to be their servants-of-knee.”
But the People refused to listen to Samuel, and they bid him get on with the assignment of their Elites.
“My fellow Americans,” Samuel continued, “your new Elites will, besides this, make claim over all your possessions, and to state it briefly all at once: You, and all that is yours, will become theirs.”
“No!” the People said. “Let us here no more. It is necessary that we should have those to declare and defeat our enemies and to assign and assist our friends. All our neighbors — to North, to South, to East, and to West — have their ruling classes, so why should not we, too?”
Samuel thought to say more, but God interrupted him with a simple command.
“Samuel, give them what they ask.”
Then, Samuel said to the People:
“Go home, everyone. Tomorrow, I swear, when you awake, you will have your Elites.”
Mr. Nathans hails from a number of places in the Midwest. He now lives and works in Miami, Florida.